


Devil Fruit Drivers

by Harmonica_Smile (Rescue_Remedy)



Series: Domestic Blindness [5]
Category: One Piece
Genre: Akuma no Mi | Devil Fruit, Canon Related, Complete, Crack, Gen, Humor, If characters used their devil fruit for the greater good of public transport, One Shot, alternative universe, do not copy to another site
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-04
Updated: 2020-01-04
Packaged: 2021-02-27 12:42:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,668
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22107280
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rescue_Remedy/pseuds/Harmonica_Smile
Summary: Law was too fast all the time. All Bepo wanted was to cross from one side of the city to the other.
Relationships: Bepo & Trafalgar D. Water Law, Fushichou Marco | Phoenix Marco & Trafalgar D. Water Law, Monkey D. Luffy & Trafalgar D. Water Law, Nico Robin & Trafalgar D. Water Law, Shachi & Trafalgar D. Water Law
Series: Domestic Blindness [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1558741
Comments: 16
Kudos: 31





	Devil Fruit Drivers

* * *

**Devil Fruit Drivers**

* * *

Bepo had never seen Law so crestfallen. "Sorry, Captain. Sorry." He bowed. Over and over. "I need to be on time. I need to, and Robin's…"

"…reliable, Law. You know that." Robin walked to Law's side. He gazed out the depot window at the buses—empty of passengers—pulling in, the drivers stepping down. He lifted his chin minimally, his mouth a line.

Shachi came behind and clapped him across the shoulder blades. The redhead tottered backwards. Law didn't flinch.

"Jeez, just cos' you're in a bad mood doesn't mean you use haki." He picked himself up off the floor and dusted himself down. "Arsehole."

Law glared at him and Shachi flipped him off and stomped away. Dragged a plastic chair along the concrete floor of the office. Flopped down and pulled the day's schedule across the desk. Pit stains spread under the arms of his olive uniform. The drab colour really made his tattoos pop.

"You're speedy, Law, but you know."

Law sent Robin a warning glance from the corner of his eye.

"It's just that stamina's not your thing, is it?"

Shachi busied himself but couldn't wipe the smile off his face quite fast enough as Law turned and glared him down. Again. Were the boss and Nico a thing? He opened a pamphlet outlining all the models offered by the New World New Transport.

"You have to admit, boss, The _Roomy room de la (v)room (v)room_ is first class in terms of speed, but it's not designed to last the distance."

Bepo nodded, head down, hands clasped.

"You're traumatising your poor navigator," Robin said. "All he wants is to travel a few hours to see his family."

Law turned from the mess on Shachi's table, to Bepo fidgeting, and then to Robin. "And you're the woman for the job?"

Ruffled pride was more Marco's look, Robin thought, but Law wore it well.

" _The Mil fleur Transit's_ awful handy." Shachi flashed the page outlining the transport options offered by Nico Robin, the Demon Child, Law's way. The hands were a little on the slow side, and capricious. You never knew if you were going to be tickled, tortured or terminated. But they definitely delivered you from one doorstep to another if the woman behind the juice liked you.

And she liked Bepo.

Who didn't?

The door swung open, slamming into the exterior brick. Luffy catapulted _into_ the far wall, then out the door, then back in again. Shachi ducked as he zoomed overhead. Law groaned at the dent in the plaster. His hip pocket always paid for repairs.

Luffy swayed, straightened, and stood in front of Bepo. "What's up, Law's bear?" He didn't like to see anyone glum.

"Bepo," Law, 

Shachi,

Bepo 

said.

"Thinks he can't trust the Roomy room de la _(v)room (v)room_ to get him from point A to B," Law griped.

Luffy cackled. Of course. "Got a point. You're fast, that's for sure. Nice detailing. Even Franky says so. But your staying power..."

The look shot between Luffy and Robin was not lost on Shachi.

"...needs some work."

Nor the red tinge to Law's ears. They'd be brighter on top. Wow. Did Captain have no shame? Maybe his lack of stamina correlated to his lack of being able to maintain a stable relationship?

"Come with me, Bepo."

No-one was more surprised than Bepo that Luffy knew his name. Straw Hat should. They'd been running this transport depot together ever since the last corrupt official and country was taken down and conquered. And he'd tried to get him to join his crew more than once.

"Nah." Law shook his head.

"Bad idea." Shachi dogeared a page of the pamphlet.

"He's not suicidal, Luffy," Robin said.

The _Flex with Best_ guaranteed elasticity in application, but was wildly inaccurate in delivery. It guaranteed the transporter's safety, but encouraged displacement of bones and organs for passengers. The thrill seeker option came at a hefty 50,000 beri, or Luffy's whim if he liked you, and if he liked you, you started praying.

He looked almost as crestfallen as Law, and as worried as Bepo. For a breath. Then he surged forward and only a quick application of electro stopped him from wrapping his arms around Bepo. Or maybe it was that Shachi had unpacked a sandwich. If Luffy hadn't heard the crinkle of the paper, Law's shudder would have alerted him. He didn't feel the spark much, if at all, being rubber.

The _Phoenix Phire_ was phaster than anything that had come before it. Even than the Roomy room de la ( _(v)room (v)room_. The only thing against it was the driver enjoyed mid-air somersaults, and they dislodged all manner of victuals and venom when you were gripping the Phoenix's back.

"Law torturing you again, yoi?" Marco asked Bepo as he strode into the depot, brushing down his arms. He'd just returned from transporting medicines to Chopper's clinic. The drivers of the deluxe models were exempt from wearing uniforms and Marco's loose shirt fluttered around him.

Bepo nodded sadly and Law inhaled, kicked out a chair and slouched down at a nearby table. Why did he bother having a crew?

"Torturing me more like it. He's rejecting the Roomy room de la _(v)room (v)room_ for other models." Law rested his chin on crossed arms.

"C'mon man." Marco placed a hand on Law's scrunched up shoulder. The Heart shrugged it off. "You know you've got a problem finishing too fast."

"Don't see any of you complaining."

Shachi opened the ledger in front of him. "That's not quite true, Law. Logged yesterday, 10:55 a.m.. Covered fifty klicks in record time then just stopped. Had to wait two hours for the Mil Fleur to complete another booking before Robin could cross the town and pick up the slack."

"Was feeling peaky. Flu season," Law mumbled into his arm. Sniffled.

"Day before yesterday, one job after the other had complications, though the first one went off without a hitch."

"I remember that one. It was five kilometres across town."

"Shut it," Law growled. He didn't need Bepo to collude with Shachi and the others against him.

"You did it in five minutes when it takes a human without powers an hour to walk as far."

"See." Law sat up, straightened, tried to puff his chest out.

Shachi ran his finger down the ledger. "The follow-up job's destination was two kilometres from the finish of the first, and you couldn't even get the engine to ignite."

Luffy, Marco, and Robin caught each other's gaze, nodded and shrugged. Law's talent and skill needed to be applied within a very specific timeframe or the customer was left grumbly and gravely unsatisfied.

"And there's all that premature ejection." Luffy's only level of conversation was loud. "You drop people anywhere when they piss you off or you run out of steam." As if Luffy didn't do exactly the same thing. It wasn't good when Law pushed them out into traffic though. New World, New Transport had narrowly avoided law suits a few times.

"Can't let Mina down, Captain. She'll have my hide for a hairbrush," Bepo said.

Law leant against the back of the chair and exhaled. Bepo's wife was tough, but hadn't his crew stuck with him across the years before she'd rocked up on the scene? Wasn't that a sign of perseverance? He must be doing something right.

Marco pulled a chair up next to Law's and handed him a brochure. "Got this from Chopper." He opened to a page of supplies. "There are small wipes with benzocaine you can use to slow things down."

Law side-eyed him, took the pamphlet and shoved it in his top pocket. Chewed his inner cheek to stop from yelling.

"Might not want to have that picture on show." Marco flipped the leaflet around and tapped it back into Law's clothes like a father preparing his son for prom.

"Just what are we discussing here?" Shachi asked.

Law shambled him out of the room to a scrap yard some sixty blocks away. Let's see how easily he got back.

"He's the dispatcher, you know," Robin said, tipping the schedule book her way. "It's not his fault that…"

"…you finish so quickly,…"

"…Law."

Crowded by the Mil Fleur, the Phoenix Phire, and the Best with Flex, Law had the feeling that the Roomy room de la ( _(v)room (v)room_ was greatly outnumbered. Before he decapitated them all, Robin gripped his hands and Luffy limbered up and Marco cartwheeled (aerially) all over the office. They were the options people preferred? Vases smashed. Marco had already bent the blades of the overhead fan earlier that month. The calendar hung on one hook near the cavity Luffy had knocked into the wall.

"Fine." Law stood, the chair failing to tip over, though it did wobble, and stalked out the office. The door crashed into the side as he went, nestling into the damage Luffy had also made. Another one for his hip pocket.

"You're lined up for the next kids' show!" Luffy yelled after him. That should cheer him up.

No one was better at dismembering the kids in the safety of his Room. Little Max and Maxines floated under the dome—a bit like trouncing the bouncy castle—before Law reassembled them with the wrong body parts. When the din of complaints grew too loud he correctly realigned them. The shows were booked solid for months at a time. The Roomy room de la _(v)room (v)room_ was in high demand.

"Brings in top beri," Marco said, flapped a wing. Papers blew across the office.

"He's our own grumpy Buggy!"

Robin and Marco stared. Guess he was. Bepo coughed.

"Anyway—" the Best with Flex stated.

"—where did you—" Phoenix Phire added.

"—want to go?" Robin cracked her knuckles, crossed her arms and readied herself for a journey. A devil fruit finger scratched the Mink under the chin.

**Author's Note:**

> Just a wee bit of nonsense to see in the New Year. Happy New Year to y'all. Thanks for choosing to read it! If you enjoyed it, kudos and comments are always met with love.
> 
> My [tumblr.](https://chromatic-lamina.tumblr.com/)


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